Woohoo! I have my first follower... Thanks Jill.. I can't promise you come back but I'm thrilled you wanted to see what I had written anyways.. ;)
Today has been a stressful day.. what Autism mommy doesn't have one right? and what Autism mommy doesn't stress out over money?! I hate that when things get really tight I have to go to my parents to ask for help (I always pay them back!) but it makes me feel like such a loser of a mommy... it's tough to make ends meet these days.. there are so many things that we need, want, have to have that it's overwhelming! Some days I just wanna climb back into bed, pull the covers over my head and be done with it... but I have to keep trudging along because I have someone who depends on me to! Thank God for that otherwise I really do think I would have given up a long time ago! They (the researchers) were very smart when they said that money is the KEY problem in a marriage.. this is causing stress everywhere.. and I'm over it! And those same researchers who happen to say that the divorce rate with people who happen to have special needs children is a whopping 80% were pretty damn smart too! I can see how people would choose to walk away, give up and never look back! There are days where I want to do just that.. but then I look at my sweet little angel and I think of all the great things my dh does for us and I pull those boot straps up once again! Today is just one of those days.. I hate these type of days.. especially when there is NO chance of seeing the sun today and I have to go to my parents for a loan that I will get grief for... I'm 36, I should have it together by now right?! seriously! When I got pregnant with Ms. Nat and had her on that wonderful day of November back in 2004 I had NO clue that I would be dealing with what I am now! At the time, we had moved into this great house, Darrell had a good job and I was cutting hair.. we were "making it" just fine.. actually ahead of the game I think... Then 2 years later that "safety net" all came crashing down! Don't get me wrong, I don't blame my child and I sure don't want to change anything about her or how she came about in my life.. but there are a few things I would LOVE to change about our life now... I wish that I could work to help out in the home and take some of the stress off my husband but two things: #1 I need to be here for Ms. Nat right now and #2 the dh doesn't want me to! I love that. I'm lucky for that but I sure don't feel like I do much on days like this..

To get out of this funk I'm in I think I will tell you a little about Sunday and what my wonderful little girl decided to do..
My step daughter was here for the weekend and she and my little angel were in the living playing with beans.. now children with Autism LOVE to play in the beans because it's such a sensory thing... we've done this very same activity a thousand times and exactly the way it was happening that day too... Julia watching Natalie for me while playing in the beans while I tried to get some things done around the house... but one thing happend that day that had never happened before..
Natalie, my sweet little girl, decided that today would be the day that she would stick a bean UP her nose as far as it would go... Now here I am in my room, folding clothes.. Natalie comes in and says,"Hey mommy? I have a BEE up my nose!" or at least I THOUGHT that is what she said.. I told her to go back in the living room and play.. she did this two more times before my sd came in to tell me that it wasn't a bee but a BEAN... why that never registered with me I have no clue.. I thought she was playing a game with me about the BEE being up her nose.. OMG, she stuck a bean up her nose... PANIC set in rather quickly.. now if you have a child with Autism you know that weird situations are not ideal and that they tend to freak out said child.. Oh yes, picture this.. Me sitting on top (well shifting my weight around so I wasn't smooshing her!) of her with a pair of tweezers trying to keep her calm and pull out the bean at the same time! I would have loved to have had the camera rolling then because I bet it was a site. ;) Needless to say it didn't come out.. it was really stuck down in there pretty deep.. I got us all packed up, called our ped. which called the ER for us to let them know we were on our way, and off we went.. My child is
S C A R E D to death of the doctor's office and the whole way she was screaming," I don't wanna go to the hospital and you can't make me!" lol I typically don't really like St. Francis ER because you almost always have to wait like three hours to see the dr. This time we signed in and were moved to triage immediately and then to a room... They checked her oxygen level, which was fine and I knew it would be since she still had the other nostril and her mouth to breath out of! Once in the room she was pretty nervous but I read her, "If you give a cat a cupcake"! (Thank you soooo much Laura and family for that wonderful lifesaver!) and she calmed down some.. I left the door open so she could see who was coming and going (enclosed spaces are NOT a good thing for us!) and once the dr. and the assistant came in, Natalie looked across the hallway and guess what she saw?! A BATHROOM! She needed to potty she told me... I was pretty sure she just wanted to get out of the room and to check out the bathroom (she loves them! silly girl!) but surprisingly she was telling the truth.. The nurses and dr. were sooooo fantastic with her.. I layed her down on my chest, put my hand on her forehead and over her chest.. one of them held her leg and the other made silly faces at her while the dr. performed major extraction! lol
It actually went pretty easy.. she used this tool that essentially looks like a great big paper clip to move it around and then pulled out the big tweezers.. (I need to get a pair of those for future incidents! lol) and within a minute or so the bean was out.. Now, if you put beans in water what happens to them?! they swell right?! This bean was soft, and very swollen... it would NOT have been a good thing to wait around for our Peds office to open the next day like the nurse on duty from his service suggested.. :) Mother's instinct told me that having a bean be swallowed INTO THE LUNG would not be a good thing.. ;) whew! she got all kinds of stickers and even let the dr. check her vitals once we were all done, which btw NEVER happens at our Peds. office.. she let her listen to heart and lungs, and look into her mouth, ears, and even wanted her to check out her tongue.. this is NOT normal for my child so I was thrilled that we were making progress from a bean.. lol ;) It's amazing to me how much she can amaze me everyday! just when I am all prepared for it to be a huge fight, she takes it all in stride and makes us all laugh! The dh showed up to the hospital (he was at work and works all the way in Columbus Ind. 45 minutes away) just after they pulled it out and in time to be the hero of the day! ;) She was thrilled to see him and tell him all about the "adventure" .. I think my hands shook the rest of the day on Sunday!
Needless to say the beans will stay up on top of the fridge for a little while so we don't have anymore accidents.. ;)
Whew! What a funny story.. glad it's over..
Tricia~