Elf on the Shelf..

I wish I had batteries for my camera right now... will have to get some soon.. because some of the hiding places that "buddy the elf" has hidden in the last week have been hilarious!!!!  He is our new tradition in our home this season... Buddy the elf on the shelf... we LOVE buddy!! He flies home to the North Pole every nigth to "report" to Santa Claus if Miss Natalie has been naughty or nice... and then he flies home early in the morning and hides in a different spot every morning.. so far he's been on the light fixture in the kitchen, on the curtain rod hanging upside down, in a bottle of sand that I have on a shelf, on our ledge watching over the phone and this morning in the Christmas tree itself.... she LOVES getting up every morning to see where he is hiding this time.. and if I say, Ohhhh buddy is watching, she usually changes her 'tude and starts acting like my sweet angel again... They have an elf on the shelf at school as well (which I LOVE) named Sparkles... she hides every morning too and reports back to Santy as well... ;)  I love that they have one at school too so that she is "being watched" at all possible points during the day! She loves Buddy... and Buddy loves her! ;)  
P.S.  I will post a picture or two of Buddy when I get the camera working... ;)

here is the offical website of Elf on the Shelf for those of you that don't know what it is!  :

http://www.elfontheshelf.com/#/home

Road to my new and improved body!!

So.. yes, this is me.. all of me.  And that's going to change! When I look in the mirror I do not like what I see.  When I was younger I really weighed nothing.  I was skinny... the hubby has seen pictures and actually says I was way too skinny for his taste but I have to admit I liked it.  I liked looking down and being able to see my feet. lol..  I liked being able to wear a bikini and look pretty dang good. (just ftr I would NOT be caught dead in one now! oh the horror! lol) I loved being skinny and not having breathing issues or having trouble ever morning deciding what to wear because nothing in my closet fit.  I loved being able to walk into a store and try on pretty much anything I wanted because let's all face it they are totally catered to small, petite people unless you are in a store like Lane Bryant.  Do I really want to weigh 115 lbs. again? NOPE.  But a nice, healthy 140-150 would be FANTASTIC.  I dated a guy when I was younger who always told me that if I gained weight he was pretty sure that he couldn't stay with me.. wonder what he would think if he saw me now?! Actually, I don't really care what he would think.. I KNEW he wasn't the one for me when he said that. (well that and many other things but that was a big one!)  I mean seriously, what would of happened when I got pregnant with his child? I couldn't have gained a pound right?  Well I'm sorry but I gained weight with Natalie.. not as much as I thought I would because for the first five months I threw up everyday and actually lost weight because of it.  I knew that gaining weight was important to her to keep her healthy and I was ok with that.  But honestly in the last 6 years that she's been alive I've gained around 60 lbs.  when you break that down in years it's only 10 lbs. a year.. which doesn't seem too terribly bad.. but if you think about it, it's a lot of weight to put on a smaller frame.. Both of my biological parents were big people.. and pretty much my whole family has a short, stocky build.  I had promised myself that I would never get "fat" like that.. that I would never weigh more than 200 lbs. in my lifetime... well that day has come and gone... I can't believe I'm saying I weigh more that 200 lbs. but I am... I had gotten to around 170 and told myself.. "this isn't so bad, I'll be alright"... I hit 180 and said,"well I'm 20 lbs. away.. I just have to watch what I'm eating and I'll be fine".. I hit 190 and I stopped looking at the scale.. stopped weighing myself altogether.. in fact I think I hid that damn scale.  The only real reason I knew how much I weighed was a couple of months ago I was sick and had to give in and go to the doctor.. they always weigh you.. and the nurse had the audacity to say something along the lines of ,"wow, you've put on some weight since the last time we've seen you in here!" seriously?! you feel the need to tell me that?! wow! and this was coming from a woman who knows you never talk about a woman's age or weight! lol...
I've tried before to loose the weight.. I've tried a lot of different diets.. I've tried watching what I eat. I've tried taking pop out of my diet (of course it always works it's way back into my diet!) I've tried a lot of different things.. I've tried doing the whole exercise thing.. it goes well for a while and then eventually (if not sooner) I give up on that and go back to my comfortable ways.. In my heart of hearts I know that I need to loose the weight to be a healthier me.. I know that someone is going to need to be around for our special little lady.. I know that I don't want to not be around for her or for Darrell or for Julia.. and I know that heart disease runs in my family.. so things are stacked against me.  I'm determined this time! I'm determined to loose at least 50... I don't have a timeline (I've done that too before and I've never met the deadline and then I gave up because I never did..) this time.. I can't do that to myself again.. I don't have an action plan except that  I need to get on that darn treadmill everyday and I need to be watching what I eat and take out the pop and go back to drinking just water.  This is a goal of mine... I'm going to do what I can to make it happen.

so here are the hard, cold facts:
I'm 37 years old.
I'm 5'5
and I weigh 206 lbs. 
In the next year TWO of those numbers are going to change. I'm going to make sure of the last one, that's for sure! ;)
~Tricia~

here are some of the reasons I know I can do this:

They are pretty good motivation aren't they!? :)

Parenthood:It wasn't all it was cracked up to be!

So on Tuesdays I always sit down and watch a couple of shows.. I'll admit it, I still LOVE One Tree Hill.. mindless entertainment and I've watched it for years, so I'm invested in the characters.. My new favorite of the last year or so has become a show called "Parenthood"..  they have a child on there that has Asperger's Syndrome.  I have really enjoyed (for the most part) following "Max" and how the show has been portraying his character on here.. Max Burkholder does a FANTASTIC job portraying a child who has Autism.  I've really enjoyed watching how the show has been portraying the character and the syndrome itself until this week.  Now, I was overly excited about this show this week from the previews: it featured Adam, the father of Max, being told by a customer in front of them in line to "train your kid better" and that he feels sorry for him and that his kid was a (I hate to even say this word.. it's NOT in my vocabulary and NEVER has been..) Enter the "R" word here... Next thing you know Adam decks the guy.  Now.. that was within the first three minutes of the show. Great! I was excited to see how they played this out.. Cops showing up, jail time, having to call someone to come bail him out of jail, maybe showing him going to court to explain his reasoning.. or at least a preview to next week including a court date.. I mean, in the real world if someone punched you in the face you are more than likely going to at least call the cops right?! file charges? press the issue that you were just beat down in the corner market? right!? well in THIS world someone would have.  Not so in the land of T.V.  No cops showed up, they didn't even stay on the scene to see what the man was going to do.  All he did was look up at Adam appalled.  Fade scene.  Open to the next scene of someone else on the show doing something else.  Nothing was discussed.  They didn't show anything of what SHOULD of happened. 
I sat through the whole show waiting... waiting... waiting for them to really "deal" with what just happened.  Nothing.. The parents of Adam talked about how he was becoming more and more like the dad of the family and that maybe HE should go and talk to him about it.  That was it.  starts at 3:11, ends at 5:03.. that's less than two minutes.. and only 3 minutes in and this is what we get? The previews showed pretty much the whole scene... it drew you in.  Parents of children who have autism were sitting there thinking,"That could be me one day.. I don't ever want to be there but NO ONE is going to call MY child an "R" word EVER!"  The scene drew us in. Made us want more.  Made us want to watch the whole hour show to see where the writers were going to take this.  I know I was intrigued. 
Now, don't get me wrong.. I know there are 15 characters altogether on this show and that they all need screen time.. but you don't just have a scene so intense like this in the first 3 minutes of the show and then not address it at all... 38:15.. he finally tells his wife what happened.. a little earlier in the show they all came home from the supermarket and she asked how things went and he said they were fine.  That was all that was mentioned... at 38:15 he tells her that he hit a guy THE OTHER DAY at the supermarket.  "Wait a minute, you hit a guy?" "Yeah, we were are the store in the express lane.  Max counted that the guy in front of us had 17 items instead of 10.  Words were exchanged. He called Max a "R" and I hit him" "Wait a minute, he called Max a "R"? "YES!" "Well then I'm glad you hit him!"  end scene for the most part.. the went on to talk about how he doesn't want to end up like his dad.. but NOTHING about what happened, how it affected anyone, no consequences... honestly I am very disappointed in how they handled this.. it was a serious missed opportunity!  There was so much that could have been said, so many things that could have been done to make this a better show ABOUT Autism and what it does to the parents...  I honestly felt like they threw this situation in because #1 it draws in an audience and helps with ratings and #2because they already have an established story line with Max and they felt like the needed to have something in this episode about him.  I was not impressed. Had this happened in the real world, and let's face it I'm sure it has, the cops would have been called almost immediately and Adam's character would have been hauled off to jail because trust me that man who was hit was FURIOUS and would have pressed charges..
Us parents of children who have Autism deal with this kind of feeling on a daily basis.  The feeling that if someone looks at us or our child for throwing a temper tantrum or for doing the little quirky things that most of our children do at one point or another.. or snickering behind our backs about "Oh I would spank my child if they tried to pull that out in public" or "That mom/dad needs to train their child better" that we might just loose it like Adam did.   How many of us parents have tried to take our child out to the mall, or the movies, or out to dinner to try and do something that others would consider normal and take for granted and get treated like we have leprosy or something worse?  Being a parent is hard enough as it is.. throw in a little special needs to the mix and it's down right impossible on some days... Can I see myself in Adam's shoes punching out someone for calling my child that filthy word? you bet your bottom dollar. That's just me though.  When I showed the part of the episode in the supermarket to my wonderful husband he looked at me and said,"I hope I don't have to do that someday for Natalie!" but truth is: HE MIGHT!  People in this world are cruel. That's old news.  I'm actually better at it today then I was when she was younger right after her diagnosis. I admit there were days, mostly in Meijer of all places, that people felt the need to put in their two cents on how I "SHOULD" raise MY child.  And I will openly admit I had a few choice words for them that weren't very nice.  I can remember there was a time where I would have probably hauled off and hit this one lady but I held tight to the thought of "not in front of my child because I don't ever want her to be in that situation!"  So, like I said, I know how it feels as I'm sure a lot of my mom friends that have kids who have Autism.  We all go through it.  I'm much wiser now then I used to be but I have to admit that I think I might "pull an Adam" if someone called my beautiful daughter an "R"!!! wouldn't you at least think about it?! I know I would.
So, after the episode I set out on a mission to find out if the writer's of this show were affected in their lives with someone who has autism.  I wanted to know the purpose of why they chose to put this character in here... there is usually a reason.  And don't fool yourself, if you aren't touched by Autism yet, you will be, trust me on that.  1 in 91 children a year. I wanted to know why the chose to add a character into the mix and what their intentions were for the character.  And who did their research on the subject for them.  I came across this article: http://blog.autismspeaks.org/2010/03/24/katims/   (sorry for it coming from an Autism Speaks blog my friends who do not support them.. I myself am also one that does not support that organization for many, many reasons)    and also in my search I found this article as well that I thought was well written: http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/health/2010/09/nbcs_parenthood_offers_look_in_1.html
So, apparently to answer my question: YES, the writer and executive producer of the show, Jason Katims has a 13 year old son that has Asperger's.  So, even though they try to not parallel it to his son's life to "protect his innocence and privacy" he is in "tune" with living the life of a parent with a child who has Autism.  While that makes me a little more "at ease" that someone actually has personal experience in this field and that they aren't just basing it off of reading a book about it or hearing second hand from someone how their life is, I still feel as though they missed a great opportunity to share/spread knowledge of the life parents lead every day while dealing with their children.  Being the parent of a special needs child is overwhelming at best, and on sometimes a daily basis I feel like "putting someone in their place" for prejudging the situation.  I remember a post on MLM's website a year or so ago that was talking about how you can't really prejudge someone without knowing the whole situation.  Like seeing a five year old child with a pacifier in their mouth... Don't tell me you don't look at that child and think, "My goodness, that mother needs to take that thing and throw it away!"  come on, admit it. You've seen this very thing and you've thought that very thing.  But what you don't know is that most children who have Autism have some sort of sensory issues as well.. and sometimes the pacifier is the only way that that mother is going to get her shopping done that day because it's the only thing that soothes that child enough to be able to even be in that store on that particular day.  The situation on the show could have been handled so much better.  There was an opportunity for the parents to sit down and talk about it, there was an opportunity for the father to sit down with Max and explain how sometimes things in life just "aren't fair" and that there are some people that just feel like they do not have to follow the rules, there was an opportunity for Adam to sit down with his dad and talk about what happened and how it affected him.. Somewhere in the middle of the show there is a very small part where he and his father are on his brother's boat and they talk about it very briefly.  That lasted like seriously less than two minutes. 
I really hope that this show "shapes up" and really shows what life is like on a daily basis for a family who is dealing with this.  It really is one of my guilty pleasures but I have to admit this particular week I was HIGHLY disappointed.
here is the full episode if you want to watch and see what I'm writing about:
http://www.nbc.com/parenthood/video/if-this-boat-is-a-rockin/1259033/

and for what it's worth: we as parents of children with special needs do not want your sympathy as the man in the episode so eloquently put it "I feel sorry for you, your kid is a burden!" What we do want is your patience and your understanding and for you to not judge our children.  We would like for you to maybe offer HELP when you see us struggling or just a kind gesture of some sort, NOT your jugdgement or your pity! My child is not sick, she HAS Autism!

Happy 6th Birthday Natalie Renee'!!!

Happy Birthday to my angel baby!! How in the world has it already been 6 whole years since I had you on that wonderful night?! I look back and think about all the things that have happened over the years... so much. so much love, so much fun, so many milestones, so much laughter, so many tears, so many things that I wouldn't take back but some things I might change if given half the chance! :)  You have brought true joy into my life and I LOVE YOU for that everyday! :)  I loved you before you were born, wanted you everyday that you were in my belly and was so thankful that you were born healthy and happy.. look at that baby up there in that picture.. so cute, so happy, so healthy and SO loved!
It took us a while to get pregnant once we decided it was time to try.  Over a year actually.  The day I found out for sure that you were on your way was one of the best days of my life.  I had been sick for about 4-6 weeks with that I thought was a cold that just wouldn't go away.  I was working at Georgetown Haircare at the time as a Barber/Stylist.  I got up that morning and felt very sick to my stomach and really pretty dizzy.  I ate some toast thinking that that would help and thinking that I was getting the flu on top of everything else.  We lived about 35 minutes from where I worked at the time.  I left for work, drove all the way there, and couldn't get out of the car I was so dizzy... I called my boss from the car to let him know that I couldn't come in and it dawned on me sitting there that I MIGHT just be pregnant.  I left there and went straight to the store to buy a pregnancy test.  Came home and waited while the test came up.. less than two seconds later it was a plus sign very strong.  I was pregnant!!! at the time I was very close to your sisters mom so for some reason (still not sure why she was first) I called her and told her I was pregnant! Then I called your father, who at the time was at work, and said "Hey daddy, how's your day?"  He said,"Oh it's pretty good.. you know how it is.. nothing special"  I said again,"Hey daddy".. he laughed and said,"yes? did you need something?"  I said one more time, very patiently I might add.. lol.. "HEY DADDY!"  He said,"See I TOLD you you were pregnant!!!"  he had been telling me for about a week and I kept telling him there was NO way I was...  sure enough your daddy was right! Shhh... don't tell him I said that! lol ;)   My pregnancy with you was pretty normal I think.  I threw up for four months straight.. seemed to come on the day after I found out I was pregnant, like you knew I knew so it was ok to show yourself now! lol  I actually threw up on myself in the car on the way home from grandma and grandpa's one night.  that wasn't so much fun! lol ;)
Your birth was a 10 hour process.  I was induced on that Tuesday morning.. they broke my water at 9 that morning and you were born at 7:27pm that night.  I was good all day with the pain.  Watched tv, slept, hung out with daddy and your grandma all day.  The anestegiologist came in and asked if I thought I was ready for the epidural because if not he was going to go down the hall and give one to another lady and wouldn't be back for about 45 minutes or so.  I was doing so well at the time I told him I was fine and to move on! :)  Literally about five or ten minutes later the contractions got so strong that I was BEGGING your daddy to go get that man and bring him back here right away.  I had to wait.  It wasn't easy, but I got through it.. squeezing your daddy's hand the whole time.  That wonderful man came back, gave me my epidural, and things were great! :D I couldn't feel a thing.. the wonderful nurse that was taking care of me that day came in to check to see how things were progressing... the look on her face told me that things were going very nicely.. in fact my doctor had just left to go eat lunch/dinner and they had to race to call him back because you were ready to come out.. in a hurry! Dr. Gillespie barely made it into the room and you were making your grand entrance! ;) You came out at 7:27pm that night and were perfect.  10 little fingers, ten little toes and a set of lungs on you that could scare anyone! ;)  You weighed 7lbs., 1 oz. and was 21 inches long. And perfect from head to toe!

 We stayed in the hospital two days and brought you home on a cold, rainy Thursday afternoon.  We were thrilled. 6 birthdays later and I can still remember it like it was yesterday! :)
Happy birthday sweet girl. Mommy and daddy love you with all hearts and souls!!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

I've been a very bad mommy! I should be punished!!

Maybe even put into time out! oh yes how wonderful would that be. Think I could get away with taking nap while in time out?! I doubt it. She'll sit at the end of the "time out hallway" and keep saying,"Mommy, you know there is NO sleeping in time out! And NO talking!" she will say. This isn't fair. I was bad, I should get to go into time out and do whatever I need to to calm down and regroup right?! lol


So here is the reason I should be placed into time out:
 

Now I know you are wondering what in the world could cause me to get into trouble with this picture right?  well, so there's a little back story to this.  Natalie has ALWAYS had a problem with "helping herself" in my fridge ever since she could walk and open it on her own.  There have been more than once when I've walked in to milk all over the floor, jelly spread all over the walls near the fridge, or her sitting in the bottom of the fridge eating whatever is closest to her in the fridge.  I've tried everything.. The latest thing we tried was the little lock on the fridge (see it hanging open up there on the side of the handle?) yeah, that worked for all of about two days before she had figured out how to unlock it herself.  She actually unlocks it, gets in the fridge, takes out what she wants and relocks it.  Isn't that so sweet of her?! oh yeah! so fun!  While I'm all for her being independent I'm NOT all for having to clean up the messes that she makes while I'm in the bathroom or in the laundry room switching loads or running out to the mailbox for less than 2 minutes to drop something in the mailbox.  So, here is a little different part to her background as well.. All of the sudden this Halloween season Miss Nat has become deathly afraid of ... you guessed it... spiders!! While cleaning out her sister's room the other day I came across this magnet set of insects that is a game you play with them.  So, I thought it would be a great game to play with her.  She was all excited and wanted to do so.  I took it out and set it on the floor, without opening it.  While I went to switch laundry again I noticed that she was stalking the game walking the perimeter of the room.  She got down on her hands and knees and crawled to the side of the couch where she proceeded to hide behind it.  I asked her what she was doing.  "Mommy, do you think that has spiders in it?  I doubt it since spiders are arachnids not insects right?"  I told her I thought she was right and went back to switching the laundry! Two seconds later she came flying into the laundry room and climbed up my whole body until she was sitting on top of the washer! "Mommy! You were wrong! You were wrong and you LIED to me! Why did you lie to me mommy?"  OMG.. I was cracking up then.. Apparently there were in fact two spiders in the box.  She made me take it into the other room and wouldn't go into the room where they were.. Imagine that: it was the KITCHEN!! And I placed them both on the fridge!!

 She hasn't touched it in two days!! She will say,"Mommy I'm dying of thirst, will you go get me something!?" My response is always, "Go get some water out of the fridge!"  yeah, she hasn't gone to that fridge in two days.  Now, while I feel bad for making my kid scared to go into my kitchen I haven't had to clean up spilled milk in days.. I personally think I'm a genius!!

Don't you love the spiders on her glitter pumpkin? I thought it was appropriate! :D

I am slowly figuring things out on this blog thing. It might take me a little while since I'm really not all that computer savvy. The more I have been thinking about things lately the more I think this is a great place for me to write about our life on the road to recovery! Do I believe that I can recover my child from her Autism? You bet your bottom dollar I do! Had you seen her 3 years ago you wouldn't believe she is the same child! We have come a long way and are still on the straight and narrow. She's cute right?! Look at the little face... how can you not just LOVE it?! I know, it's hard.. She's my world.. my light at the end of the tunnel on really hard days... my beat in my heart.. she wrapped me around her little finger years ago and has had my whole heart ever since... and believe me she KNOWS it! :) She's the smartest little girl I know.. She has her "issues" as all kids who have Autism do, but she has come such a long way in just three short years! We are blessed in every single way to have my little angel and I am thankful everyday she was brought into our lives. I'm hoping that from here on out I can figure out this whole blogging thing and make a wonderful blog for her to look back on and read how much her mother (and father) LOVE her!